Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
