nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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