i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
