i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
