Did I show you my penis last night?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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