This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
