You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
