he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
