RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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