Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
