Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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