i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
