I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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