garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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