So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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