I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
