i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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