I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
