now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
