after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
