My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
