one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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