he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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