No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
