I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
