im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
