I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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