You smell like a Billy Joel song
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love you.
Bad choice
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
