you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
