It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
