just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
