If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
