Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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