all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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