dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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