the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
