Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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