i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
