i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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