Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
