i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
