I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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