Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
