I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
