He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
