dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
