Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
