im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
