After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
