I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
