Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
