My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sext me about skeletons
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
